Scenarios

I stay with Demon:  Today :: I take train back to East Bay to pick up my car, or have him and Amy come get me so I can get my stuff out of 1912.  Go home and pack for Saline.  Tomorrow morning have a good therapy session and then take off for Saline.  Long drive, get to Saline in evening around 7 or 8 I'm guessing, set up in the dark and cold, soak late into the night.  Enjoy Saturday at the pools, meditate, do yoga maybe, do a tiny hike, eat camping food, soak, soak, soak, open presents since it's fricking Chistmas.  Sunday leave around noon, get home around 10 at night, maybe go to Death Guild but probably not since we'll be really tired of the drive.  Monday have the day off, go hike somewhere, try to put the pieces of our hearts back together, have a ritual of some sort...and really fucking mean it (from my end) this time... Future ::  Stay at our home, try to have a baby?   Work hard through our issues. Try to make myself fall in love with him again.  Try to get over the fact that I don't enjoy our sex life...  Try to get over his whinny nature, his clingy nature, his obsessiveness, his control issues, his needy-ness for my time and energy.

I leave Demon: Today :: I leave work in a bit, go home to the Mission.  Go get a drink with Aaron later.  Cry myself to sleep.  Cry cry cry.  Tomorrow...go to therapy, have a terribly painful session in which we part ways.  After therapy hang out around for a bit until I consider they have left the bay, go home (to my real house)...paint, play on the computer, sew that Damnation shirt into a cuter silhouette, go rent some movies, sleep a lot over the next two days.  Spend Christmas Eve alone, spend Christmas day alone... Go to Death Guild Sunday night with Christo, dance the night away with the freaks.  The rest of the week, exploit the rest of my time in the Mission, probably hang out with Christo during Wednesday and eat at that Indian restaurant he keeps talking about.  The future :: Parents get super pissed off and tell me I'm a whore and that they're taking away the house.  They probably take me off their will too.  Maybe my dad's kind of understanding, but my mom flips out and says I'm causing her stress and her eyes get worse (or just says it).  Life is hard for a bit on my own, I go through a lot of pain.  But Christo and I probably continue to see each other for a while, maybe a long while, maybe forever.  We never marry each other, but maybe have a child.  Or I lose him too and someone else comes along... I realize that I will never find anyone that loves me as much as Demon...but maybe it's ok to not be loved so much...